Bernie Meets the World - Puppy Steps

I've spent the last month in my new digs. I learned the lay of the land, explored the plastic grass outside, and gnawed at all the branches. As mentioned in my earlier post, I had attempted to work on internal soft surfaces, letting my creative juices flow inside, but the humans were not feeling it for some reason. It was almost as if they didn't want to limit me to just a rug; they opened the doors to the big wide world and encouraged the wind in my hair and the sweet smell of spring to be my muse. The humans preempted my need to pee by picking me up every few hours and placing me on the artificial turf outside. I relieved myself but didn't have much left to work with inside. I also picked up on their excitement when I did go outside; I didn't have the heart to disappoint. So, I've been keeping the flow for the great outdoors.

I know, I know. I'm sounding like a softy, but am I? You give a little; you get a lot. That's the new strategy. Give them the potty where they like it, and in return, freedom, baby. That's right. I have been wandering the inner perimeter freely, mmmhmm, without being tethered to the sliding door or kept in the crate. You see what I did there, right? Give a little, get a lot.

Speaking of freedom, now that the humans realized my talent, they decided that the world needed to meet Bernie. They decided to take me into their vehicle and introduce me to an outdoor restaurant. I was pretty excited.

Me, with the wind in my hair

En route to the establishment, they stopped at an open field and repeated the "go potty" phrase. What were they thinking? I am an artificial turf man. I would not go out where the creepy crawlies reside, where unusual weeds and trash remnants are. I would rather play with them than potty! I refused to go, but they kept insisting. I kept refusing. I sensed frustration. I was frustrated, too.

Eventually, they put me back in the car, and we continued our journey. We proceeded to walk towards the restaurant. On our way there, stranger humans were taken by how handsome I was and kneeled to greet me. They seemed lovely; I jumped up excitedly and worked my cute factor by wagging my tail and jumping on them. In all my excitement, I squirted freely. The strangers realized what happened. I suspect they were flattered. What bigger compliment can one receive?

"Oh my!" they say. The woman blushed. I know how to woo the ladies!

They start to retreat. Why back away? Then my humans start apologizing. Don't apologize; I bark at them! Tell them, "You're welcome". Own it, people!

My humans don't know what to do; they scramble to the restroom and wipe the remnants of my stream with paper napkins.

We then proceed to the restaurant. I sit under the table, deep in contemplation. What happened today? I went out into the world, and everything changed. I'm expected to use plant-based grass to relieve myself. My joy of meeting strangers is met with looks of astonishment.

I may have to work on some of these inconsistencies. I cannot afford to be housebound. World Doodle Domination won't happen if I'm restricted to one address.

I will not give up. The Mission will continue.

Me, in deep contemplation.