The Plot Behind Puppy Vet Visits - The Humans Are Onto Us

These humans are up to something. Two weeks after settling into my new “home,” I am whisked away to an unassuming establishment in a suburban strip mall. You would think I was entering a kid’s karate class, but how wrong you would be. 

We leave the car and head through automatic sliding doors labeled “Dog Entrance.” That should have been my first clue, but I was naive and innocent. That is until I heard the wails of my comrades, the dogs. Then it hit me; the air was thick with the odor of sheer terror. My fellow domesticated beings warned me to turn around and get out of there while there was still time. 

I heeded their pleas and yanked at the leash. My human had a tight grip, but I was not one to be beaten. I pulled harder. No luck; she was still stronger than me. I made a mental note to start a muscle-strengthening regimen upon my return, that is, if I returned. 

A slender woman with a kind disposition approached me. She cooed and petted me in a jolly manner. My silly tail started wagging like the puppy I was. I made another mental note to practice some mind-over-emotion exercises, especially in settings with high-pitched greetings from humans. 

She directed me onto a large scale and noted my weight on a pad. 

Then the chirpy nurse rubs me and says,

"You are such a big boy, Bernie. What a good boy!”

Why? Why does she want me to be a big boy? Why would that be relevant? Should I be on a diet so I am less appetizing? I am now hyper-alert. 

Then my Human, yes, mine, hands me over to the nurse. Just like that! It’s a plot, they’re all in on it, part of their master plan. What is their plan? To prevent “Mission Doodle Takeover”  from succeeding? Did the Boxer next door tell them about this, too? Has he been listening in through the fence? I see him sniffing around back there. 

The nurse attempts to take me to the back of the “clinic,” away from the public eye, where she can do what she pleases with me. I have no choice but to obey. I follow like the dog on a leash that I am. 

My suspicions ended up being correct. We Doodles must stay true to our intuition. It will guide us during our darkest hours. I am afraid to report and ashamed to say that she poked me. Yes, with a long, sharp object. It went in my shoulder before I could say, “Woof.” Once I realized what had happened, it was too late. The damage had already been done. 

She got me before I realized what was happening.

I am tainted, my friends. I believe I am chipped, being tracked, and injected with some questionable substance. Our mission is compromised, and we must devise another way, a Plan B. I honestly don’t even know if I am in my right mind right now. They could be monitoring my thoughts. Are they that sophisticated? Could I be transformed into jelly? Or worse still, a cat!

Nursie lifts me off the cold metal table and returns me to my Human. In her sing-song voice, she tells her that I "did great" and will only need to return three more times before I can meet with other dogs. 

WHAT?!